on tuesday night, i came home late. and then i had taken off my shoes and sat down in front of the tv with my grandma – only both of us at home – and five minutes later, at 10.25pm – the doorbell rang.
so i got up and opened the door, and there was a young teenage boy asking me to buy ice cream. I declined, and then his two friends (both girls) ran from the other units / upstairs – i cant recall too well – and were literally begging me to buy the ice cream.
the boy was like, please buy this for me for my school fees.
but although yes, i think i was losing my temper, because when i say No it means No (well actually only when i’m very tired, otherwise i have no mind of my own and easily influenced) and i said – okay i understand its your last ice cream, but i have the ice cream the last person sold me, which is horrible and still in my fridge and cost like 10plus; and there are MANY people who come and sell us ice cream.
the guy said, yeah i know, everyone also says that there are a lot of people who come here selling ice cream, but my ice cream is different! take a look! and its the last one, please help me – he opened and showed me it was the last one because i was really not in the sympathising mood at that point.
(background knowledge, the last guy claimed he was an ex-offender and it was also a tuesday night at about 10.25pm and it was hard to avoid this guy because he rang the doorbell while i was 10m away from him so obviously i had to have some eye contact with him before taking out my keys…so just bought the ice cream maybe 2 mths ago or 1 mth ago the ice cream is still rotting because its really not nice)
so anyway, i told the boy i didn’t want the ice-cream: it was a rainy day, i was sick and had the flu, so i said i’d give him the $10 but i didn’t want the ice cream and eventually they became serious and left when i said “you know, i’ve had a really long tiring day at work, and i’m really not joking”.
this was a horrible feeling because no matter how bad your day is or good it is, the last things that happen before you call it a night stick in you. I cannot explain how angry I was when they left, and i was so mad and now I am relaxed and hence blogging about it (5 days later). i wanted to break everything around me because my thoughts (as stated below) flowed in my head the minute i closed the door, with my hyper mind and my quick thoughts and my emotions.
it was coupled with the – why didn’t i check why that guy needs money for school? – it was their last ice cream and i could have just bought it for $12 or whatever amount he had offered – or i could have just said no i’m not interested, closed the door and not wasted their energy trying to convince me – and lastly, for whatever reason, they have been selling and it would be a tiring day going up and down to knock doors and sell their ice cream – i’m not as worse off as them and how could i have been so angry?
guilt and anger really has been bothering me the entire week, i’d really dislike me if i was them ……..
let me hope i forget this and smile more, its Monday tomorrow.
